I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
