So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
