I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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