your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize