I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize