I hope my margaritas pass through security.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
