2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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