need another drink. this is the easiest way
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
