woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
