My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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