I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Randomize
