carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
