If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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