I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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