I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
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You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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