If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
