I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
