Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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