Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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