He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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