Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
