Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
