the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
