Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
