my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
