Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
