the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
