i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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