everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize