My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
