...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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