i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I believe in your delicious
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
