how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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