You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
