sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
