I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
