I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
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I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
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Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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