dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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