i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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