Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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