clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
