We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
