she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just made my gag reflex go away.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
