This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
