the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Is it because I queefed?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
