Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
