Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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