Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
