I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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