you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
