You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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