in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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