all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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