Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
