i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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