Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
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