Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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