the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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