i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
