if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
