he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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